


The one with the Pixar robots

by silverspirit2005



Category: Fantastic Four, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), WALL-E (2008)
Genre: Crossover, Domestic Avengers, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Humor, I mean it is mentioned but basically Vision and the gang does not exist, M/M, Not Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant, although is it really crossover now that Disney owns everything?, because JARVIS, bot-centric, bruce is so done, clint is a troll, is that a thing?, it should be a thing, mentions of multi-verse, therefore JARVIS is still around
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:34:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23871688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silverspirit2005/pseuds/silverspirit2005
Summary: In which Steve knows something that Reed doesn't, Tony is onto a Disney conspiracy, there is a lot of cooings and chirpings involved and Bruce just wants some peaceful lab time.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 1
Kudos: 29





	The one with the Pixar robots

**Author's Note:**

> This came about as a result of me reading another WALL-E/IronShield crossover + Rachel being a terrible enabler. She is the best muse, seriously! So here you go folks, hopefully this is as funny in words as it is in my head.  
> I have no beta and this was written a few years ago, so assume that nothing from Age of Ultron onwards is relevant.

There were times when Bruce wondered whether living in the same state as the Fantastic Four was a good idea.

They were an all right bunch, in general. Of that, Bruce did not complain, even though Richards could be kind of a dick and Johnny Storm was just annoying at times. But Sue Storm was nice and Grimm was a decent sort. And while they did conduct extremely unsafe experiments the likes of which not even Tony was willing to (soberly) consider on a daily basis, generally they were around to help clean up the mess (which should have been their responsibility in the first place, but anyway. Guess Cap’s goodliness was getting to him).

Just that, Bruce could really have less random, potentially dangerous portals in his life.

Such as the one conjured up in his lab this morning.

And it was not even nine yet.

“There seemed to be a miscalculation in our experiment…”

“Cut with the pretty words, Richards, we all know what happened.” Tony jumped in in the middle of Richards’ attempt to deflect. “What happened was basically you guys screwing up one of the quote-uncontrollable variables-unquote, telling yourself to hell with it and continuing anyway because apparently what’s the worst that can happen, and now we’ve got a nice old alternate-universe portal occupying half of Bruce’s lab.”

Richards, to his credit, did look a bit chagrined this time, although Bruce would bet his collection of Hulk merchandises (no, he did not purchase those himself, thank you very much. They were a teamed effort between Clint’s weird sense of humor and Tony’s I-don’t-give-a-fuck-and-besides-you-look-good-in-green attitude) that the guy was already formulating the next portal in his head.

“Um, guys,” Bruce said after a couple of minutes of Avengers-looking-like-an-upset-school-principal and Fantastic-Four-looking-like-teenagers-caught-smoking, “what are we going to do about this thing?”

Before anyone could give a suggestion, the portal, which had been eerily still, started to tremble and glowed. Which effectively cancelled everyone’s thoughts (if there were even any worth considering at all). The nerds in the room just stared at the portal with barely-veiled excitement in their eyes, as they were wont to do at occasions like this. The non-nerds just looked alarmed, or in Natasha’s case, indifferent.

Bruce was struggling between scientific curiosity and the desire to bang his head against the lab bench. And he was so looking forward to trying out the new scintillator today too.

Also, did he mention that it was only nine in the morning?

But anyway, since no one looked like they wanted to close this portal anytime soon, Bruce now also found himself looking at it in resignation. To be fair, the portal was very well-behaved so far. The bright light emitting from the yawning gape of time and space, which was oddly calm and peaceful and not at all threatening, just kept on growing in intensity. Bruce even heard a very soft instrumental piece in the background, which bizarrely enough had a great calming effect on the Other Guy. Bruce himself though was shuddering a little from all the strange events.

And what does that say about his life, that what he termed ‘strange’ did not encompass a freak accidental portal connecting his world to an alternative universe of god-knows-what, but instead included serene halo-like light from a portal that also hummed Pixar-esque BGM.

Tony on his left was starting to squint a little. He must have picked up the music too, because he quickly glanced at Bruce with a what-the-fuck expression on his face. Bruce shrugged, helplessly.

The light in the meantime was getting brighter and brighter, before the portal rumbled like an old cat trying to cough up a fur ball. With a final flash of light (and a soft crescendo in the soundtrack), it spitted out two dog-sized objects onto the workshop’s floor. Then the light dimmed, the portal shivered as if in relief, then winked out of sight, taking with it the blinding light and soft music.

Sudden motion from the foreign objects brought everyone out of their peaceful trance and back on high alert. Natasha tapped her fingers on to the handle of her blades and Clint drew his bow. Tony raised a hand with the repulsor on ready while Thor and Steve held onto their weapons of choice. Bruce, who was still in human form, awkwardly stood behind the group, unconsciously trying not to ruin the beautiful hero/heroine spread.

One of the alien objects, which Bruce did not feel inclined to name before he knew more about their origins, started to shake quite violently. From Bruce’s vantage point, it looked nothing more than a pile of mechanical parts, with two caterpillar tracks on top of its cube-shaped rusty body. Which was quite peculiar and impractical, seeing that the tracks would make for a much better movement system. Then, with a whirr, the object suddenly flipped on itself and planted its tracks firmly onto the ground (… or, that was exactly what they were for). Then it was completely still. The other alien-thing was rice grain-like, all shiny and white with a black screen at the front and hovered about a foot from the ground.

“Right…”

That was Richards’ eloquent response.

“What the actual fuck?”, said Johnny Storm helpfully.

“Richards, man, you’re getting slacked,” Clint snickered, but still kept his bow taunt, “where are my big-ass tentacle aliens? Because I totally expect big-ass tentacle aliens served with my portals. You cannot just condition us to arm against destructive aliens and then not deliver. And what are those, seriously? Did you manage to bring us alternative universe junk robots?”

One of the robot-thing, the rustier, older-looking one, started to beep at the word ‘junk’.

“Aww, and they’re conscious robots too. Sounds like someone’s offended. Good for you, Reed my old man. Any idea what they are though?”

Reed Richards, like a good little scientist, finally came out of his trance when asked a proper question and returned to his excitable science-vomiting self.

“It’s hard to tell, Hawkeye, but with some preliminary tests I can definitely narrow it down to a few possibilities. I don’t think I’ve ever seen these designs before though, how fascinating. Quite primitive-looking, as robots go, which might reflect the state of technology in their home world. Now, the white capsule must have some anti-gravitational power, though it must be pretty weak, seeing that whatever engine it’s running on is very quiet. The other thing, on the other hand, might be part of a bigger machine, probably some sort of miniaturized conveyor belt system, which is …”

“I know what they are.”

All heads turned to Steve, who was looking both relieved and worried, which was a very odd look on just about any occasion.

“I don’t mean to offend,” huffed Richards, “but I very doubt you would have more knowledge on alien technology than myself, or even your Iron Man.”

The Human Torch started to giggle to himself at the Iron Man-Captain America implication, like the twelve-year old he was. Bruce just sighed, wondering to himself about the strange things that kept on happening in his life, and made a motion for Steve to continue.

Which brought a decisive look to the Captain’s eyes who proceeded to approach the alien robots/machine parts. Tony next to him was starting to protest and even Richards looked a bit wary, but the man looked like he knew what he was doing, so Bruce just kept a hand on Tony’s arm and watched Steve’s back cautiously.

When Steve was about three steps away from the bots, he crouched down onto their level, as if trying not to spook a pair of frightened alley cats. There was a flash of uncertainty on his face, but Steve is nothing but a determined man.

“Hello EVE. Hello WALL-E.”

The effect was immediate. The white hovering capsule cracked open, revealing an equally shiny white robot with bright blue eyes. The rusty bot beeped rapidly as if in joy, then two appendages with metal claw at the end protruded from its body, together with a pair of round eyes that were for real all cute and meek. The robots peered at Steve shyly (well, rusty was. Hourglass just looked vaguely judgmental), and then Steve raised out a hand towards them, as if trying to tame a wild animal, or wild robots from alternative universe.

The robots must have deemed him safe, because after a couple minutes of assessing him (the white one was, because Clawed Cube just gazed at him with increasingly wide eyes) they cautiously approached Steve’s hand. The white bot, who had sprouted a pair of blade-like arms, were tapping on his wrist in alien Morse or something. The brown bot just bumped his claw at Steve’s palm like a puppy.

Steve grinned.

Richards looked all flabbergasted.

Clint’s face, however, just looked like Christmas was here early.

“Oh Richard, you might just be my favourite genius after all!”

* * *

So apparently there was a universe in which WALL-E and EVE and the crew from the Pixar movie existed. And apparently Mr. Fantastic had accidentally calculated the coordinates for said universe and opened a portal linking Bruce’s laboratory to that. Also, said universe had deemed it appropriate to return the call by gracing them with the original WALL-E and EVE, who were now being alternatively cooed over by Thor and petted by Steve. And did he just see Black Widow taking a photo of the bots looking all wide-eyed and setting it as her phone background?

How was it not even past noon yet, Bruce wondered.

“I still cannot believe that you were the first one to recognize WALL-E!”, grumbled Tony, who were in the middle of reading the scans on the bots. The Fantastic Four, now that the portal had disappeared and the mystery of the aliens had been solved, already went back to their headquarters (Bruce bet that Richards was still sore on the fact that Steve knew something he didn’t). “I must have watched it with Dummy a hundred times already! Why does he have such an obsession on that movie anyhow?”

“Tony, you don’t watch movies with Dummy. Literally what you do is telling JARVIS to turn on Netflix and abandoning the bots in front of the screen so that they can be kept busy while you work on your projects. The last time Dummy and Butterfingers and U wanted to watch the movie I sat and watched it with them. Which is probably why I can recognise them before everyone else.”

“Stark, you know better than avoiding time with your children. If you keep on working all the time, at this rate the kids are going to like Daddy Steve more than you.”

“What the fuck Widow? The bots are not our kids. My kids. What did I just say?”

“See, that’s exactly why Steve would get custody of them one day. Then you’ll be sorry for not listening to me.”

“I agree, Man of Iron. I distinctly remember my brother spending a lot of time with our mother, and cannot help but suppose that had created the gap between him and my father and led to his downfall.”

“Oh my god Thor, did you really just compare me to Odin and Dummy to Loki?!”

“I’ve got a science question!” chimed in Clint, who had actually raised his hand like a primary schooler. “Does this mean there is an alternative universe for all Pixar-slash-Disney movies? Is there one with talking toys? Or bipedal mammals? Or airborne-balloon-house?”

“First off, Hawkeye, I’m shocked that you even know the word ‘bipedal’. Who has been teaching you all these adult words?” Clint promptly threw a wrench at Tony’s head. “And second, for once you’re maybe onto something. Why shouldn’t we get a universe for all the Disney cartoons out there? There may be a world with singing tea cups and evil octopus-ladies. Star Wars may even be real too, for all we know.”

“To be fair, Disney only acquired Star Wars recently, so that is a bit less likely than the rest…”

“Hey Cap, I did not educate you on the lore of Star Wars for you to go shoot my dream down like that. By the way guys, am I the only one who’s creeped out by how bizarrely correct the Pixar movie made them? I mean, they look exactly like the movie characters! This just further proves the Disney conspiracy that I’ve been saying all these years! I bet Disney has its own space team who goes to various alternative universes to steal ideas for their next franchise!”

As Tony droned on about Disney’s universe-jumping, much to the eye-rolling from Natasha and Bruce (and the fond look from Steve), WALL-E and EVE had managed to escape the team’s attention and had started to wander around Tony’s workshop where they had relocated them (simply because Tony knew more about what he was doing with robots than Bruce). Bruce tried to keep an eye on them, less because he deemed them dangerous (not really, if the Pixar movie was to be believed, but of course Bruce wondered how accurate it actually was as well) and more because Tony’s workshop was a constant hazard zone with too many things that could suddenly go boom or catch fire. So far the Pixar bots were doing all right, just curiously poking (WALL-E) and scanning (EVE) various objects on Tony’s benches. Once WALL-E seemed close to putting a torch into his torso compartment, but a glare from Bruce stopped him in his track.

As Tony finished his Disney conspiracy monologue and half of the team dissolved into arguments about the likelihood of said scenario, Bruce heard a chirping sound from behind his back. He turned around just in time to see WALL-E poking his claw at a red button on a bench, next to Tony’s robot power station. The button must have been for the power supply because all at once Dummy, Butterfingers and U, who were all plugged in and in down-mode, moved their arms and pointed at WALL-E, who let out a loud beep, rushed back to the team and hid behind Steve’s legs. EVE, startled by WALL-E’s motion, advanced towards Tony’s bots and glared at them menacingly (or as menacing as a robot can be) while scanning them briskly. She then gave the equivalent of a huff and floated back to join WALL-E behind Steve.

“Oh, forgot about them. WALL-E-verse bots, meet Dummy, Butterfingers and U. Kids, meet WALL-E and EVE, who are 90% actually WALL-E and EVE in that movie you’re all crazy for.”

Dummy and the gang just stood in silence at their station. WALL-E and EVE still huddled behind Steve.

“Err, kiddies? Dummy? Butterfingers? U? Your dream celebrities are here.”

Silence reigned still. If this was a cartoon there would definitely be chirping crickets, but Bruce very much did not want to envision his life any more like a cartoon than it already was.

“Seriously, what is with you guys? Just last week you were forcing me to watch that movie, again. I’d like to think that your memory is much more impressive than this. Come on, stop embarrassing daddy here–“

There was a loud whirring coming off the bots. One minute they were all still, next they had unplugged themselves from the station and were zooming across the room towards WALL-E and EVE.

“Stop it, Dummy, Butterfingers, U!”

The bots kept on going forward as if Tony had not spoken at all, which was beyond weird considering a. Tony made them and b. they all adored Tony even when he had been up for three days straight and had been swearing at them for a few hours. Even Steve looked a bit nervous as the bots came closer and closer to him. Behind him WALL-E let out an alarmed sound, dashed off underneath a lab bench and folded himself into an inconspicuous metal box while EVE followed behind and stood vigil in front of him, blade-arm raised in defence.

Really, with this much similarity to the movie, Bruce was very tempted to believe in Tony’s conspiracy theory.

Meanwhile, Tony’s bots had registered the change in their targets and had redirected their course henceforth. They stopped a couple feet away from EVE who looked very much like she was ready to slash all their wires if they got too close.

Tony had somehow migrated back to beside Steve who had a hold on his hand and were rubbing his thumb along Tony’s hand in reassurance (Bruce usually did not make a habit of paying attention to his teammates’ PDA, but for some reasons he found it more calming to look at them than the bot-situation, which had a much higher chance of resorting in oil-shed and tattered cables). Tony’s face was a conflict of worry (for his bots, because as much as he liked to pretend otherwise Tony’s affection for his creations was genuine) and intrigue (because deep down he was still a scientist and was prone to curiosity, and this was the definition of an unpredictable scientific scenario). The whole team, too, were tensed and had subconsciously spread out to circle the bots.

There was a movement in the corner of Bruce’s eyes and he turned towards the bots just to see Dummy tentatively raising his crane towards EVE while making a quiet whistling sound. Butterfingers and U, who flanked his sides, were also reaching out to EVE, who at the moment looked completely perplexed.

“What are they doing?”

“Shhh, Hawkeye!”

EVE must have thought that the bots were no danger to her at some point, because while her arms were still crossing in front of her body, she allowed the bots to come closer to her until a point when Dummy’s claw tapped at her shoulder. EVE jumped and pointed a blade at Dummy who froze immediately.

In the background Tony made a whimpering sound. Bruce imagined he could hear Steve’s other hand tightening on his shield.

After a couple minutes when nobody moved, Dummy let out the robot’s equivalent of a whimper (he really was Tony’s creation wasn’t he?) and tried to touch EVE again. This time, EVE let him tap his claw gently on her body. Slowly, the other bots joined in, circling around her and poking at her curiously but carefully. A few minutes later, they realised that WALL-E had peeped his eyes out of his metal body. The bots started to make excited chirpy sounds and WALL-E, spooked, scooted a bit further under the bench. Seeing this, the bots were obviously dejected and emitted a soft distressing noise, which prompted EVE to make a shushing sound of her own. She then lowered her arm under the bench towards WALL-E and called his name. WALL-E, after a long look at EVE, hesitantly took a hold of her appendage with his claw and rolled out into the open.

Tony’s bots then proceeded to poke and tap him as well, albeit a bit more enthusiastically than they were with EVE. Soon EVE joined the clan and the five of them huddled into a bot-circle which immediately let out a series of excited chirps and whirrs and whistles. Dummy, Butterfingers and U happily circled the new bots, poking and tapping at them and nudging their claws at WALL-E and EVE, who in turn petted them with their appendages.

“Huh.”

That was Tony’s conclusion.

“Aww, look at how cute they all are. See Stark, no need to be all protective-mommy on them. They were just making friends.”

“Who are you calling mommy Barton? And I have every reason to freak out, all right? They don’t usually react like that towards other bots. Dummy didn’t react like that when I made Butterfingers and U. And I didn’t even know that they are capable of making such sounds!”

“Well, what do you think, they finally meet their idols, right? Gotta let the kids go wild for a bit.”

“But…”

“TON-Y.”

Suddenly they heard WALL-E said, followed by a high pitched squeak from Dummy.

“STEVE.”

This time it was EVE, which in turned sent U into a frenzy.

“TON-Y!”

“STEVE!”

As WALL-E and EVE repeated the words, the bots went all hyper and chattered to one another in increasingly loud volume while nudging towards WALL-E and EVE continuously like overtly affectionate puppies.

At this point it also dawned on Bruce what was happening.

“Oh my god!”, blurted Clint, who had come to the same conclusion apparently.

“They think WALL-E and EVE are their parents!”

“What??”

“See what WALL-E and EVE are calling themselves? WALL-E is TON-Y, like you. EVE is STEVE, because duh!”

“What’s the logic in that?! I look nothing like that rusty pile of junk!” Tony was cut off by an excited beep by WALL-E and a string of offended whirrs from EVE and the bots.

“I believe it is more of a semantic resemblance than just appearance, Man of Iron. Although if I have to say so myself, it is fitting that WALL-E reminds your children of you and lady EVE the Captain.”

“You know, with the old crinkly looks of WALL-E and the perfect curves and blue eyes EVE are sporting…”

“One more word, Barton, and I will block all the vents of this building and destroy your living habitat. But seriously though, how can you compare me to WALL-E? Such an outdated model! Even if I were a waste allocation machine I would have a much better design than him. For instance, those squeaking tracks of his can be replaced by something much more efficient, at least like that of EVE. Secondly...”

As Tony once more got lost in his own head and started to mumble to himself, Bruce promptly faded him out and quickly reassessed the situation, now that there was no more threat of Hulk-inducing violence. The team, now assured that the bots were not out for each other’s blood, congregated back to where Steve and Tony were. Thor and Clint were once again cooing over the bots while Natasha secretly snapped a few more shots with a smirk. Steve were looking at the bots with affection (he never let go of Tony’s hand) while the bots themselves, now no longer making supersonic squeaks, had calmed down somewhat and were content with snuggling in a metal pile, with TO– WALL-E and EVE at the centre and the others cooing at their sides. Now and then WALL-E or EVE would say their newly assigned name and the bots would make a happy chirp.

It was all very sweet and Bruce started to think that today might turned out all right after all.

Which was exactly when Clint added his two-cent.

“Stark, I call dibs on godfather of your next kid!”

Which, sadly, threw Tony out of his zone and refocused him on the world of the living.

“What was that Birdbrain?”

“I said, I call dibs on godfather of your next kid. Bot. Whatever you choose to adopt or create next. I want in on this mushy family of yours.”

“There is not going to be any kids, Barton, get it out of your system.”

“Aw, why not? Is mommy not putting out? I thought you were the mommy, Tony baby?”

“God, Barton, I am not mommy. According to WALL-E, I am totally the dad and Steve the mom. But that’s not the poi…”

“Then how about that Cap? Thinking of popping out some kids some day?”

“For fuck’s sake, Steve is not going to pop out any…”

“Let’s not be too hasty now Tony. We do live in the future after all. I don’t have plans on having kids, but maybe someday Bruce can come up with something?”

“Oh my god, are you listening to yourself? Bruce…”

“Well, now that you talk about it,” Bruce started, mind already listing out what rules of biology to break (as if biology follows rules at all) and how he could go about to achieve that “there was this fascinating paper just last month…“

“Oh no no no Bruce, I know that face, stop that face right now! For the last time, you’re not that kind of doctor! For fuck’s sake, am I the only one who remembers that he’s got PhDs in Physics, which has nothing to do with having a medical degree? And what were you doing reading a biology paper?”

“Hey, I’m interested in biology as well. Just because I have doctorates in one field doesn’t mean I cannot dapple in other sciences.”

“That’s not dappling, that’s changing the basic rules of reproduction!”

While Tony started on another rant on the differences between scientific disciplines, Bruce took a quick glimpse at his team. For once Richards’ portal was not a bad thing and in an extremely rare case of event, everyone was actually happy (well, Tony was hyperventilating a little, but he usually did when he started talking science anyhow, and Steve was holding him, so Bruce wasn’t worried). It was rather heart-warming, even, seeing Tony’s robots and the WALL-E aliens getting along like a family. Which made Bruce think about his teammates and how much like a family they all were too. Which, for Bruce, who had spent so long running and hiding, was something precious and needed to be cherish.

He really would not rather be anywhere else.

* * *

(that was until WALL-E accidentally activated an Iron Man suit automatic mode, freaked out and had EVE fighting the suit, which against all odds actually lost to her.)

(which then led to Tony sulking and locking himself in the workshop for the entire week trying to come up with a design that would actually win against the sweet EVE bot, oh god how the hell did that even happen?!)

(then there was that time WALL-E and EVE heard JARVIS reprimanding Dummy for accidentally burning Tony’s coffeemaker and were strongly reminded of AUTO and thus tried to destroy JARVIS by uploading their conscience into the building’s main network. It would end up with them having a nice conversation with JARVIS and at the end of it were all pals again and later the team would laugh, but for a whole nerve-wrecking week everyone was on their toes primed for another Ultron event, which did no good to Bruce’s system at all.)

(then there was that heartbreaking moment when Richards opened – he still swore he didn’t mean it – the portal to WALL-E universe and there was a teary goodbye when everyone hugged and Steve and Tony were absolutely devastated and the bots were inconsolable for the entire month while the Avengers just moped around the building dejectedly. Bruce would later find Steve’s sketches of all the robots, all beautifully detailed, and would walk into the common room one late night to find Tony watching repeats of all of WALL-E and EVE’s house cams and not holding back his tears. Bruce still had a photo of him with the WALL-Es in frame on his desk which never failed to bring him tears.)

But then again, Bruce thought to himself, sometimes he’d really really rather not be in the same city as the Fantastic Four.

“What do you mean you open the portal to Alien-verse?!”

“Shut up Stark and blast those xenomorphs!”

“Fuck you Richards, I’ve already got nightmares watching the movies!”

“Hulk now, Brucie! Hulk! Now!”

Seriously, shall he just relocate to South America now?

**Author's Note:**

> I have only watched WALL-E once (on a plane, while doing my hardest not to bawl my eyes out while sitting among strangers) and thus did not remember a lot of details about the characters, so hopefully nothing is too out of place. Also, it did not quite dawn on me back then that Disney now owns everything and is therefore perfectly capable of making a Pixar/Disney/MCU/Star Wars mash-up if they so choose.  
> I take all the credits for Tony's conspiracy theory however :D


End file.
